to ashkie:
hello.
I've read your letter.
I was thankful I was still alone at home although I ended really late today, because I immediately burst into tears when I read your post.
Let me just tell you a little story, as well as something to remind my future self.
From the first day I'd heard your voice, I was a lil captivated by your laughter. I noticed you were pretty shy when we first played, so I tried to be quiet too when our group was playing. Then we gradually started playing more. And talked more. And I heard more of your voice. We became close online friends. Not too close, because of my status.
Then AFA was around the corner. I wasn't even aware of the event until you mentioned it(cuz y'know im nOt a wEeB), and you hinted for me to come. I was really wary; I really enjoyed your company as a gaming buddy, and I'm afraid things might go awry. I even wanted to tell you I'll be busy with work on that day. But, I told myself that I'll keep myself in check. And so I went.
Do you know what caught my attention the first time we met? It was your eyes. And then your laughter. And then everything else. It was REALLY awkward btw to have both your friends there on our first meeting, but I thought you were trying to be safe and all so yeah I tried to maintain my composure. I was quite shy, but I'm grateful that you showed how retarded you were from the get go, so I could be retarded as well with you.
We slowly began to chat more often. And I asked you out, a couple of times. It was such a unique experience; we shared so many things in common, and even our differences felt complementing. And you were just as(or more) retarded as I am. I've truly, never met someone like you. I realised that if we continued like this, things would not bode well. But I was selfish. I wanted to spend more time with you. I wanted this experience to last longer. And gradually, I wanted you.
But it was wrong. Everything, in fact, was wrong on my part. I was attached; I knew I shouldn't even agreed to meet you at AFA. I shouldn't have continued asking you out time and time again. Each time I asked, the better part of me was hoping and wishing for your rejection. That you would find me weird, too old, too awkward. That you will realise I'm attached, yet trying to date you out. And I could then tell myself "yeah, I've seen this coming, what was I expecting?"
I'd told you this before, but each time I'm with you, I felt warm and comfortable. And, sad. Because you will be hurt eventually. That bright sweet smile of yours would turn to tears, because I wasn't being considerate of your feelings. Despite how much I wanted to try being together with you, we fell for each other at the wrong time. And so I made things clear, and parted.
hello.
I've read your letter.
I was thankful I was still alone at home although I ended really late today, because I immediately burst into tears when I read your post.
Let me just tell you a little story, as well as something to remind my future self.
From the first day I'd heard your voice, I was a lil captivated by your laughter. I noticed you were pretty shy when we first played, so I tried to be quiet too when our group was playing. Then we gradually started playing more. And talked more. And I heard more of your voice. We became close online friends. Not too close, because of my status.
Then AFA was around the corner. I wasn't even aware of the event until you mentioned it(cuz y'know im nOt a wEeB), and you hinted for me to come. I was really wary; I really enjoyed your company as a gaming buddy, and I'm afraid things might go awry. I even wanted to tell you I'll be busy with work on that day. But, I told myself that I'll keep myself in check. And so I went.
Do you know what caught my attention the first time we met? It was your eyes. And then your laughter. And then everything else. It was REALLY awkward btw to have both your friends there on our first meeting, but I thought you were trying to be safe and all so yeah I tried to maintain my composure. I was quite shy, but I'm grateful that you showed how retarded you were from the get go, so I could be retarded as well with you.
We slowly began to chat more often. And I asked you out, a couple of times. It was such a unique experience; we shared so many things in common, and even our differences felt complementing. And you were just as(or more) retarded as I am. I've truly, never met someone like you. I realised that if we continued like this, things would not bode well. But I was selfish. I wanted to spend more time with you. I wanted this experience to last longer. And gradually, I wanted you.
But it was wrong. Everything, in fact, was wrong on my part. I was attached; I knew I shouldn't even agreed to meet you at AFA. I shouldn't have continued asking you out time and time again. Each time I asked, the better part of me was hoping and wishing for your rejection. That you would find me weird, too old, too awkward. That you will realise I'm attached, yet trying to date you out. And I could then tell myself "yeah, I've seen this coming, what was I expecting?"
I'd told you this before, but each time I'm with you, I felt warm and comfortable. And, sad. Because you will be hurt eventually. That bright sweet smile of yours would turn to tears, because I wasn't being considerate of your feelings. Despite how much I wanted to try being together with you, we fell for each other at the wrong time. And so I made things clear, and parted.
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